These are all our thoughts in word form. Not to be confused with our thoughts in worm form. Those look like this.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

I Hate People by Dillon Minton

My life flashes before my eyes and I see that I will be pretty sexy later in life. 


Then I get thrown back into reality. The following conversation commences:

Me: Really? You just ran the red you cunt.

Crazy: NO! You run red!

Me: What? Your light is still red.

Crazy: No! Light is green!

Me: What? Oh god, just pull over to the shoulder. You are halfway in the right lane.

Crazy: I am pulled over.

Me: Are you kidding me? I’m going to call the police, I can’t deal with your shit.

I then call the police.

Crazy: “Call the police!”

Me: “Are you deaf? I just did.”

Crazy: “You hit me.”

Me: “Goddammit! No, ma’am, I did not hit you because I had a green left arrow and you had a red light. I’m not talking to you anymore.”

Crazy: “You call the police? You hit me, you’re going to pay.”

Me: *Thinking* Why? Just why god?

After an extra stop and the Dunkin Donuts the police finally show up.

Officer: What happened?

Me: *Explains what happened*

Officer: We can’t help you. The cars aren’t how they were when they collided.

Me: Really? You know all the signs you have out saying to pull over if you get into an accident?

Officer: Sorry, we can’t help. Fill out these forms and swap them and go on your way.

*In the middle of filling out this form*

Officer: Your VA inspection sticker is expired.

Me: Yes, I know. But the car is registered in IL, so it doesn’t need a VA sticker.

Officer: It doesn’t matter, it needs one.

Me: *Thinking* Goddammit, two of them?

*Fast forward to us about to leave after we swapped info and the cops threw poop at each other*

Crazy: This your name?

Me: *Looks at the space for NAME* Yeah....

Crazy: You hit my car!

Me: Seriously, no. Officer can I go?

Officer: *Stops throwing poo for a second* Did you swap info and everything?

Me: Yes ma’am.

Officer: Go on your way then.

Me: FUCK YES!

Get off clean and the only thing missing is a few IQ points.

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