My life flashes before my eyes and I see that I will be pretty sexy later in life.
Then I get thrown back into reality. The following conversation commences:
Me: Really? You just ran the red you cunt.
Crazy: NO! You run red!
Me: What? Your light is still red.
Crazy: No! Light is green!
Me: What? Oh god, just pull over to the shoulder. You are halfway in the right lane.
Crazy: I am pulled over.
Me: Are you kidding me? I’m going to call the police, I can’t deal with your shit.
I then call the police.
Crazy: “Call the police!”
Me: “Are you deaf? I just did.”
Crazy: “You hit me.”
Me: “Goddammit! No, ma’am, I did not hit you because I had a green left arrow and you had a red light. I’m not talking to you anymore.”
Crazy: “You call the police? You hit me, you’re going to pay.”
Me: *Thinking* Why? Just why god?
After an extra stop and the Dunkin Donuts the police finally show up.
Officer: What happened?
Me: *Explains what happened*
Officer: We can’t help you. The cars aren’t how they were when they collided.
Me: Really? You know all the signs you have out saying to pull over if you get into an accident?
Officer: Sorry, we can’t help. Fill out these forms and swap them and go on your way.
*In the middle of filling out this form*
Officer: Your VA inspection sticker is expired.
Me: Yes, I know. But the car is registered in IL, so it doesn’t need a VA sticker.
Officer: It doesn’t matter, it needs one.
Me: *Thinking* Goddammit, two of them?
*Fast forward to us about to leave after we swapped info and the cops threw poop at each other*
Crazy: This your name?
Me: *Looks at the space for NAME* Yeah....
Crazy: You hit my car!
Me: Seriously, no. Officer can I go?
Officer: *Stops throwing poo for a second* Did you swap info and everything?
Me: Yes ma’am.
Officer: Go on your way then.
Me: FUCK YES!
Get off clean and the only thing missing is a few IQ points.