These are all our thoughts in word form. Not to be confused with our thoughts in worm form. Those look like this.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Why I'm Aquaman by Dillon Minton

After going fishing for a few days at the lake, I recently had the thought I am part superhero. My reason being is that lately, I've been pretty good at catching a ton of fish with no effort or skill at all.

Then this got me to start reflecting on my life. I noticed that when I was younger, I had the same kickass fishing powers. Whether it is having nothing but a line and bare hook, net, tubing, or even my hands, I still caught a bunch of stuff.  I also remembered a time when I put a crab in my sister's shoe while we were camping on the beach. It didn't pinch me at all when I was holding it and placing it into her shoe, but as soon as she put her foot into her shoe, it pinched her on the toe man. The toe! Then she started to flail her foot around and kicked the crab down the beach. But when it landed, it turned its ass around and ran straight at her like that was its only reason to exist on this planet. Then it chased her around in circles; pretty funny shit. After I thought about all of those incidents I realized, HOLY FUCK I can coheres animals to my own needs.

Like this, but with more eating my friends

You might be wondering how I got these powers. Well, my father wanted to name me Thor, but my mom resented the name and was like “fuck no”. That’s how I ended up not being named Thor was named Dillon instead. And because fate was fucked and I never given the chance to have Thor powers bestowed upon me, I got the next kind of powers in the lottery, Fish God powers. Might not be as cool/badass/awesome as Thor, but I can catch fish whenever I want.

And that's why I’m Aquaman.

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